


Bitter Wishes

by AmethystAuthoress



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baby Shower, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Infertility, Love Confessions, Past Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Pregnancy, Pregnant Ginny Weasley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21859759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmethystAuthoress/pseuds/AmethystAuthoress
Summary: Hermione has a secret, which results in her having a meltdown at Ginny Potter's baby shower.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Severus Snape, Lavender Brown/Ron Weasley
Comments: 8
Kudos: 147





	Bitter Wishes

Hermione Granger could feel the sharpness of her nails digging into her palm. Letting out a shaky exhale, she forces herself to loosen the tension in her fingers. She’s fine.  
She survived a war after all. A baby shower should be nothing.  
Note the “should” in that thought.

When Ginny Weasley announced her pregnancy months earlier, Hermione had been ecstatic for her. Or, she tried her best to be. That was before though. Before the aftermath of the war fully sunk in - despite the years that had passed since then. Before her secret was spilled, and before Ron left her for Lavender Brown.  
Hermione hadn’t been sure how much Ginny knew about the breakup. She avoided her feisty ginger friend for a while due to that uncertainty. When an invite came in the mail from “Ginevra Potter” for the baby shower in a month’s time, however, Hermione was certain that she could not know.  
She shouldn’t have come.

“Hermione?”  
Shit.  
Ginny had made her way into the room. She freezes when she sees her friend on the floor, looking smaller than she had seen her in a long time.  
Hermione’s hair is in disarray. It’s worsened by the woman weaving her fingers through it, unable to resist the urge to dig her fingernails into her skull. Her eye makeup is smudged from tears that she tried to wipe away. She’s too exhausted to care about keeping up her glamour spell, the ragged words showing up lightly on her forearm again. The sight of them makes her want to cry harder.  
“Merlin, Hermione!” Ginny exclaims, “What happened?”  
She’s ruining Ginny’s day. She’s an awful bloody friend.  
“I-I’m sorry, Ginny. I think this was just too much for me. All of the pe-”  
“Does this have to do with Ronald?”  
Silence.  
Ginny scoffs.  
“That bloody arse,” She says, “My brother will not be attending tonight - it’s a women’s only event - so you don’t need to worry about that. He’s an idiot for breaking up with you.”  
“I’m glad he did,” Hermione interrupts. 

She really was. Ron leaving her was, in retrospect, one of the best things that happened to her in the past couple years. They never would have worked as a romantic couple - even their friendship was half fights.  
It only got worse with dating. She felt no passion with Ronald. She loved him as a childhood friend; not as a husband. They had mistook adrenaline from the battle and the pure joy at making it out alive for romantic passion that truly never existed between them.  
Plus, there was their future to think of. What started as minor differences in goals were worsened by a primary dealbreaker.  
Just because she could recognize that the breakup was a good thing didn’t make it hurt less. She had trusted Ron enough to tell him what she hadn’t mentioned to anyone yet...and he had taken all of thirty minutes to decide that he no longer wanted her.  
Lavender Brown’s photograph littered the newspapers only a week later. She was wrapped in Ron’s jacket, cheering him on at a community Quidditch game charity event. It took only a couple weeks past that for the reporters to capture the happy couple making out in an alleyway near Hogsmeade. The papers were everywhere. Having to watch Ron leaning down into Lavender again and again had made Hermione feel ill.

Now, at the baby shower, Hermione feels ill yet again. It is stupid. So, so stupid.  
Warm hands gently wrap around the ones tight in Hermione’s curls. They coax her palms to open and lower. Ginny swipes her fingertips across Hermione’s cheeks, brushing her thumb over the back of the other woman’s hand as she does so.  
“If it’s not Ronald, then what is it?”  
Ginny can’t know. Not now. Not during this party.  
Hermione shakes her head, looking down as she does so. Her eyes burn but she can’t let any more tears fall.  
They sit like that for a while. Ginny just keeps brushing tears away and rubbing her hands. Hermione keeps focusing on calming down her breathing. The music from the party is ominous in the background, but ignored by both.  
Hermione plays with the ring on her finger. It’s calming to her. Not an engagement ring - definitely not that - though the man she loves did give it to her, so that’s comforting enough.

They had met due to the very thing that Ron left her over, ironically.  
Well, they came across each other again, more accurately.  
Hermione had been in Diagon Alley, exiting Obscurus Books, when someone crashed into her. Heat had flushed down her front as she came to the realization that some sort of hot beverage had been spilled on her. She was in shock for a few moments. It took the person steadying her by placing a hand on her shoulder for the woman to snap out of it.  
Her book was covered in tea.  
“Are you bloody kidding me?” She yelled, shaking her book off as best she could, before looking up at the rude pedestrian.  
Her eyes widened when they met the inkyness of Severus Snape’s.  
“My apologies, Miss Granger. Allow me…”  
It turned out he had been coming from Rose Lee Teabag’s and had taken his freshly brewed tea with him. His throat bothered him often - an unfortunate problem he gained from his injuries during the war.  
He had questioned her about her book choice, once he had noticed what the title was that she was carrying. She answered him in half-truths. He told her he could help her find the answer to her research.  
Of course, he couldn’t actually. There was no solution to her problem. Hermione was still thankful that he offered though, since them working together was what led to them falling in love.

“Should I call Severus?”  
Ginny still feels strange about using the first name of her old professor so casually. She knows that Hermione loves him deeply, though, and she wants her friend to be happy. Even if that means that she won’t know why the woman is crying currently...well...she can always find out later.  
Hermione shakes her head.  
“No, I…” She takes a steadying breath, “I’m fine. Let’s go back to your party.”  
With that, she gets up and walks ahead of Ginny, entering into the crowd.  
It’s not quite as bad as it was. 

The night she told Severus was a long one and completely unexpected. They had gone out to dinner, before seeing a movie. It felt surprisingly muggle in a way that made her fall for him even harder.  
By the time they got back to his little house, she knew she needed him. He had slipped off his jacket and offered for her to sit and have a drink, if she wanted. She had straddled him. Her dress slid up as she lowered herself onto his lap. His eyes had widened a fraction - ever the guarded man - as she rocked into him and started pressing light kisses around his neck and jaw.  
When she kissed right over the mess of scar that was where Nagini had bitten him, he actually whimpered.  
Hermione had pulled back to look at him. His eyes were shut tight, almost as if he were in pain, though she knew he was not. His thin lips were parted slightly. The hair on his head was no longer as limp and greasy as it had been back in his teaching days. He had cut it a bit shorter recently, showered more often, and the first traces of grey hair streaked the black locks near his temples. She could feel his arousal below her just as she could feel his heartbeat below her palm that rested on his chest.  
His eyes opened and she knew.  
“I love you.”  
Severus’s eyes widened yet again.  
Then he was on her.  
It had been a blur after that. Being pressed into the couch, his lips everywhere, how thankful she was that he was a potion’s master and knew how to use his hands well, stumbling up the stairs, the trust and rawness on his face when she exposed all of his scars to her, the building tension, and burning pleasure.  
They had made love that night, for the first time, along with expressing their love.  
It was perfect,  
At first.  
It really was only a simple remark that set her off. Severus had remembered that they performed no contraceptive charms prior to the passion that had taken place - something which amazed him, given how thorough they both her. He apologized multiple times about it, even after he performed a secondary contraceptive spell. Each time Hermione quietly assured him that it was fine, while the anxiety in her grew.  
“I should have been more responsible with it,” Severus had repeated, “My apologies. I behaved closer to that of a hormonal student. Though I would love to see your stomach swell with my child one day, we should leave the baby making part out of our love making for the time being.” He finished, with a smrk.  
Hermione had burst into sobs at that. Then it all spun out of control.  
The poor man didn’t know where it came from. By the time that Hermioe was able to say something about babies through her sobs, he was determined that she didn’t really love him. No one actually had ever wanted a future with him.  
Severus got angry. He had shown her all of him, and now she was ashamed of him. He was too tired and old for lashing out though. He was just broken.  
His cold and empty statements that he understood if she only wanted to settle down with someone more her age only made her cry harder though.  
“No one would blame you,” He stated, feeling utterly wrecked inside, “Of course you wouldn’t want to mother a child with the dungeon bat. No one in their right mind truly wants to be impregnated by an old Deatheater.”  
He had started buttoning up his pants again already. Despite it being his house, he would leave her there. Perhaps if he started potions work in the basement, she would be gone by the time he came back up.  
“I do!” Hermione had sobbed.  
The woman was up in a second, once she realized that he was leaving. She couldn’t lose him. She couldn’t lose him without him even knowing.  
She was a blur of naked skin and a cloud of tangled curly hair, as she grabbed his arm frantically.  
“Please don’t go. I love you so much. You have no idea how badly I want to carry your child one day. I don’t care if it seems to early in our relationship to be saying such things - I do! I want it! I just… I just can’t.”  
Severus had almost scoffed at her. He had been about to shake her arm off, chastise her for faking emotions she didn’t have, when it clicked into place. The way that she had put emphasis on the word “can’t”. The book she was getting in Diagon Alley when he had collided into her path.  
There were many more tears that night. There were many apologies and explanations too. The two wizards fell asleep in each others arms, promises of love and commitment still on their lips.

Ginny’s baby shower feels calmer to Hermione, now that she’s gotten past her panic attack. She can now appreciate the carefully picked playlist, infant-related games, and the blue that seems to cover everything. Perhaps she can still be Aunt Hermione. She’ll be able to watch this little boy grow. 

One day Hermione will tell Ginny the truth of why Ron left her. She will tell her friend about the night at Malfoy Manor, those years back, when Bellatrix Lestrange tortured her until Hermione had lost consciousness. She will tell of how the cruel woman didn’t just leave her with a scar on her arm and the nightmares. She might share of how the blinding pain in her lower abdomen was the last thing she felt before losing consciousness. She will definitely share about how she searched for a spell or potion to fix it for years; how she’s accepted the reality now.  
The curse was a special one, which Bellatrix had been saving just for her. A curse to make barren the womb of a mudblood. The truth of it had been spat harshly in Hermione’s ear before she succumbed to the blackness.

Hermione is happy for Ginny. She really is.

She just wishes she could experience this herself one day.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a bit of a vent fic, as someone who has been warned against pregnancy by her doctors. I'm young and hadn't planned on having children for years, but it's weird to suddenly have the option of birthing a baby taken off the table.  
>  I hope the flipping back and forth between the present and past wasn't too confusing. Thank you for reading.


End file.
